i've become increasingly uneasy with myself...worshipping at the alter of fashion means dealing in fantasies...it is the opposite of who i want to be, but i think, sometimes, all of who i am. the constant pretending and the constant hatred of feeling i must pretend...it's yanking at my sanity; i don't know what is real, if there is 'real' in my world, or even the modern world in general. the following is an excerpt from a joseph gordon levitt email to a girl on his website hitrecord.org. it brings me solace:
Becoming suddenly aware of anything is pretty amazing, but especially so with an awareness as vast as that of one's life in comparison to the world at large. If you can just hit a little REC button, and become suddenly aware of all that, I'd say you're well on your way into that amazing maze.
Of course, any self awareness always seems to be accompanied by some awkwardness. For me, whether recording or not, I try to stay as aware as I can of the contrast between who I am and the person as whom I'm trying to come off. I don't think there's anything wrong with there being a difference between the two (if they're even two separate things at all), but it can be awkward because our culture tends to value personal consistency. I think everyone's identities are constantly fluctuating, and there's no reason to feel bad about it. Don't mistake diversity for dishonesty.